For the Mostly Doomed
It probably won’t come as a great surprise to anyone that I used to weigh 250lbs. It might, however, surprise some to know that this blog and the recipes contained herein were written during the nine year period since I’d lost 100lbs. Yes, Capownie, a single thin slice of which comes in at about 2500 calories**, was invented by someone who eats approximately 1900 calories per day. Life is filled with irony.
Anyhow, I’m telling you all this because a couple of weeks ago I was interviewed for a podcast called “Half Size Me“. Actually, I was interviewed because a couple of months ago I wrote an article about my experiences with long-term weight loss. Don’t worry, I’m not starting the blog back up only to turn it into some hideous, low calorie recipe monstrosity. This blog is excessive and proud of it. But it was mentioned during the interview and a few nice people might find it and be totally unprepared for the onslaught. To anyone visiting via Half Size Me: Hi! and I’m sorry.
(Update: I’ve started a blog about my experiences with long-term weight loss. You probably shouldn’t have both blogs open at once lest you rip a hole in the space/time continuum.)
You may have noticed that this blog stops abruptly in the middle of 2012, just to be clear, I didn’t die. Honestly, there was no particular reason, life got busy, it’s an unpaid blog, it’s a lot of work, I was tired. I’ve kept it live because there are a lot of fun recipes that I really did work hard on. Heck I still reference these, they’re damn good and that’s a completely biased opinion.
Anyway, in the meantime I’ve been painting murals, I got a great new job, and I still bake. Admittedly, not as much pie, but I have recently made Capownie for the FIFTH insane time, and it’s only gotten crazier. It’s the “I took vacation days from work to make it” kind of crazy. So even though I haven’t posted in a (long) while, I thought I’d share.
For those keeping score at home, it now has a third layer! Officially the contents of the cake are:
Top Layer: Cheesecake inside apple pie inside vanilla cake
Middle Layer (new!): M&M cookie bar inside cream pie inside red velvet cake
Bottom Layer: Brownie inside cherry pie inside chocolate cake
With vanilla buttercream between the layers and caramel buttercream covering the outside of the cake.
You can read the historical documents regarding the creation and inspirations for Capownie, or you can marvel at the 7 page recipe (Three Layer Capownie Recipe), or you can just shake your head, and back away slowly making no sudden movements. It’s crazy.
At this time I don’t have plans for regularly posting any more recipes, but that could change, you never know. I do very much appreciate everyone who’s supported this blog, written about it, shared it, and made nice comments, I hope I’ve contributed something fun to the foodie community. Thanks for reading, and I wish you many excellent desserts!
Y3, Week Six: Yet Another Heat Wave Pie
Seriously, why they stick national ice cream month in the middle of a heat wave every year is beyond me. I mean, I get it. It’s very hot, ice cream is very cold, yay! But my only really good light source is outside and at 100° I’ve got about five minutes to take pictures before I just have a pan filled with warm cream and soggy cookie crust. After frantically running in and out of my house with benches and cameras and ice cream pie, my neighbors now officially think I’m a crazy person. Don’t even get me started on transporting this baby to a friend’s house frozen-ness intact, I think I had to promise my first-born to some pagan deity, but I’m not completely sure.
Okay, I’m done ranting, onto the pie. When I was a kid my mom, the total gourmand, developed this passion bordering on obsession with Hostess Cupcakes. She’d buy the ginormous boxes of 48 individually wrapped cakes and eat at least one a day. Needless to say, we kids thought this was the best thing ever, and Mom took up running shortly thereafter.
Y3, Week Five: Far Better Than a Bee Sting Pie
This is thanks to my lovely friend Molly who has apparently been inspired by the wilds of Canada to find the most interesting desserts to try. Her latest suggestion was Bienenstich Cake, which I knew had to be pie-ified the moment I saw it.
Words of warning, remember to protect the pie crust edges when you bake it. The almond cracker crust is delicious, but not as much so when it’s rendered charcoal (read: I’m an idiot). Also, this pie gets a bit soggy after a couple of days, so it’s best served the day it’s made, or the day after. Although it’s good for a week of eating.
Bonus: Did someone say black beans?
Here are two things you should not tell anyone before they try these brownies:
- They are vegan (unless you are giving them to a vegan).
- They have an entire can of black beans in them. That’s not a joke.
Y3, Week Four: The Perfect Summer Pie
My sister can’t decide if I’m a vampire or a zombie.
Bonus: It’s national cell phone courtesy month! Again!
I’ve been neglecting the blog, so I thought I’d post about some of the miscellanea I make in addition to pies during the summer. Prominent in that miscellanea is ice cream (gelato, sorbet, really anything sweet and cold and processable in my ice cream maker). I love ice cream. A lot. And one of the great things about America is we take the time to recognize the importance of really important things like hot dogs, and dead presidents, and we honor them with their own days and/or months as God intended. Which is why July is national ice cream month (and national hot dog month, national blueberry month, national anti-boredom month, and national cell phone courtesy month — all extremely important things). July is also nuclear hot, what better time then to try some new ice cream flavors.
Y3, Week Three: Abandonment Pie
I’m sorry, I’ve been a terrible pie blogger. No, I haven’t abandoned you, life (and my actual paying job) has just been crazy busy the last month. I have actually been baking, I just haven’t had time to give writing up the recipes and pics justice. I need one more of me…
The up side is you’re going to get a bunch of recipes this week! Yay! Yeah, I’m still a terrible blogger, but the recipe was a huge hit, so don’t blame it for the delay. I’ve already neglected it enough. Enjoy and see you soon!
Y3, Week Two: One does not simply walk into Mordor with full-sized pie
If it hasn’t already become painfully apparent, I’m a nerd. Proudly so. I own the entire Lord of the Rings EXTENDED edition trilogy box set and last weekend I watched all 12 hours of it in a single day. Some of my wonderful nerd friends joined me, some brought props, some even brought the next generation of nerds — some in costume no less (Helpful tip: Swords, while terribly dashing, are a tad inconvenient at parties). I love my people.
Y3, Week One: It’s a whole breakfast in a slice of pie
Holy crap, it’s the third Summer of Pie. If you’d told me two years ago that I’d still be doing this, I’d have said nobody likes pie that much. I was wrong. People love pie, people love pie a lot. Maybe because it’s so versatile, it can be anything you want it to be: savory or sweet, skinny or fat, rich or bland, fancy or plain, complex or simple. Pie is George Clooney. It’s famous and popular, yet down-to-earth and populist, all while dating smart and beautiful women and living in an Italian villa. Hmm, I probably should get out more…
I'm paid to design websites, but otherwise I bake, cook, draw, write, knit, run way too much, watch a great many bad movies, repair things, and reluctantly practice amateur psychotherapy and medicine. Jack of all trades, master of none? Most likely. But I tend to be overwhelmed with the options the world offers and people usually end up with cookies because of it, so no one seems to mind.
Summer of Pie 