Sad Muffins

For the Mostly Doomed

It probably won’t come as a great surprise to anyone that I used to weigh 250lbs. It might, however, surprise some to know that this blog and the recipes contained herein were written during the nine year period since I’d lost 100lbs. Yes, Capownie, a single thin slice of which comes in at about 2500 calories**, was invented by someone who eats approximately 1900 calories per day. Life is filled with irony.

Anyhow, I’m telling you all this because a couple of weeks ago I was interviewed for a podcast called “Half Size Me“. Actually, I was interviewed because a couple of months ago I wrote an article about my experiences with long-term weight loss. Don’t worry, I’m not starting the blog back up only to turn it into some hideous, low calorie recipe monstrosity. This blog is excessive and proud of it. But it was mentioned during the interview and a few nice people might find it and be totally unprepared for the onslaught. To anyone visiting via Half Size Me: Hi! and I’m sorry.

(Update: I’ve started a blog about my experiences with long-term weight loss. You probably shouldn’t have both blogs open at once lest you rip a hole in the space/time continuum.)

Joking aside, it’s completely possible to make and enjoy all of the recipes in this blog without gaining 100lbs. I’ve proven that. I’ve had everything (except the pumpkin rum pie, not a fan of pumpkin), at least once and some things many times. I just space it out and make a decent attempt at moderation. Actually, I space it out quite a bit. And that’s fine, it’s cost of doing business for me.

I do manage to fill the spaces when I’m not eating my crazy concoctions with lots of good, whole foods. And I wanted to share one of the recipes that helps pull me through the times I really, really, really want doughnuts with a milkshake chaser, which is every other day. I call them double chocolate banana muffins. My nephew, who at just 11 years old has become a bit of a baking prodigy, has dubbed them “Sad Muffins” due to their low added sugar. In the muffin’s defense, they are moist, and very chocolatey, and, well, yeah, not super sweet. But sweet enough to get you through the day, or a craving. And they are pretty healthy to boot.

What’s really cool about this recipe is your muffins don’t have to be as sadly unsweetened as mine. In fact you can very precisely control the added sugar depending on how many tablespoons of maple syrup you add. For a yield of 12 small muffins, every tablespoon of maple syrup adds 1.1 grams of added sugar and about 5 calories. Using no maple syrup yields a muffin with about 100 calories and 0-1g of added sugar depending on the chocolate you use (see recipe). I like to top a finished muffin with a tablespoon of homemade roasted almond butter. True, it’s not a doughnut, but then again, you can eat them with regularity without paying a heavy price. It’s all about moderation, which is a weird thing to say on this blog which is about everything but. Like I said, life is filled with irony. Enjoy the sadness.

Tip: Buy your bananas a week or more before you make the muffins, and freeze them whole and unpeeled when they get to the super ripe stage. About an hour before you want to make the recipe, remove the bananas from the freezer and thaw them on a plate or bowl (there will be some liquid as they thaw). The texture of a thawed banana is super mushy and gross, but perfect for blending into baked goods.

Double Chocolate Banana Muffins

Adapted from Yammie’s Noshery “Healthy 100 Calorie Double Fudge Banana Muffins”

Note: You will need a food processor or blender to make this properly. You can try mixing the wet ingredients by hand, but I’ve never done that and make no promises about the result.

Wet Ingredients
2 large or 3 small bananas, very ripe — about 220g (+ or – 20g) peeled bananas
1/2 c unsweetened applesauce
2 eggs
1-4 tbsp real maple syrup (optional)*
1 tsp vanilla

Dry Ingredients
1 c oat flour (or whatever flour you prefer: white, whole wheat, or nut)
1/3 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking power
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon (Ceylon cinnamon is the sweetest and least biting)
42g (1/2 3oz bar) very dark chocolate bar (70-85% cacao) chopped into small pieces OR 56 g (4 servings) Lily’s Chocolate Chips (made with stevia and erythritol, and added sugar free)

Heat oven to 350°.

In a food processor or blender, blend the wet ingredients for about 3 minutes until light and fluffy. In a separate bowl combine all dry ingredients. Pour the wet into the dry and fold together gently until just combined. Scoop into sprayed muffin tin, it should make about 12 small muffins (I use a regular 1/4 cup ice cream scooper slightly less than level filled).

Bake for about 15 minutes.

*One tbsp of maple syrup adds approximately 5 calories and 1.1 grams of added sugar to each muffin (if you make 12 muffins total). I make mine with no maple syrup and 85% dark chocolate for a grand total of 100 calories and .6g of sugar per muffin.

**This statement has not been verified by anyone in the scientific community, but it feels true.